Deconstruction: How We Should Respond
Check out the first four posts in the series below:
Deconstruction: First, a Worldview
Deconstruction: A Quick Church History
Deconstruction: What Does It Mean and How Do You Do It?
Deconstruction: Dealing With Doubts and Questions
We’ve talked about the history of deconstruction, what it looks like to define and actually “do” deconstruction, and addressed the place of doubts and questions within Christianity. Now that we’ve covered that important background information, let’s talk about how we can help someone who is in the process of deconstructing:
Note: These are suggestions, based on my observations and experience. This list isn’t comprehensive, but in my opinion have an important place in the conversations we have with those who are deconstructing.
1.Start the conversation early.
Sometimes, those who deconstruct don’t publicly acknowledge it until the process is over (for example, they may post about it on social media). While this might be your first time hearing about their deconstruction, it likely has been a part of their life for a while. Many times, while we can never say that it is “too late”, by this point the individual has likely made up their mind. If you think someone is deconstructing, or maybe you’ve noticed that they simply are asking questions, start a conversation with them at that point. Essentially, don’t wait until they post on social media to follow up on the fact that they have deconstructed.
This can be difficult to do if we don’t know the people around us well enough to know if they have questions, are struggling with doubt, or going through deconstructing. Consider your relationships in your family, church, and friend group. Seek deeper relationships where possible. Get to know the high school and college aged students in your church, and ask them questions about what they are learning and their struggles. By developing these relationships, you may be the trusted person that they begin to share their own doubts and struggles with.
2. Investigate their worldview
We want to know someone’s underlying worldview behind their deconstruction, rather than get sidetracked by side issues (for example, politics or a person’s view on alcohol—side issues compared to the worldview leading their deconstruction). If we can untangle the worldview they are using to deconstruct, we can better understand them and know how to better reach them.
In this process, you’ll want to research. If you know that they are struggling with a specific subject, such as the traditional historic Christian view of homosexuality, then be prepared and do some research in this area. You aren’t trying to overwhelm them or even debate them, but simply being ready to address their concerns or see where they are coming from. You will also want to ask them questions. What do they mean by that term they used? How did they come to that conclusion? What sources did they consult in learning about this topic? Seek to be a listener and to understand before you try to respond.
Doing our own research, as well as asking questions, will help us understand the other person’s worldview and thinking so that we can more adequately minister to them.
3. Invite them to study Scripture with you
2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, “All Scripture is inspired by God and beneficial for teaching, for rebuke, for correction, for training in righteousness, so that the man or woman of God may be fully capable, equipped for every good work.” Scripture is the strongest tool we can use in our conversations: it is inspired by God, and able to be used for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training. God’s Word equips us to minister.
I encourage you to invite a person who is deconstructing to study Scripture with you. Not only will this help people see what the Bible actually says on different topics, it is also a neutral ground where you and the other individual will both read the same words and are able to discuss what it means.
When you invite someone to study the Bible with you, let it be an honest conversation with no expectations. They may not come to the same conclusions as you and they may be frustrated if they disagree with what the Bible says. That’s okay! Use the opportunity to let the Word of God work in their lives, and be gentle and patient through the study process.
4. Speak the Truth
There comes a point in the deconstruction process where we need to speak up about the truth. We may need to address false ideas; in situations of sin, we may get to the point where we can’t stay silent or quietly show affirmation.
It’s important to address untruthful ideas because they are harmful to people! In the book “The Deconstruction of Christianity”, the authors write, “When we ‘destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ’ as we are commanded in 2 Corinthians 10:5, we are not attempting to destroy people. Rather, we want to destroy the ideas that would seek to enslave people to false understandings of God—to help them, instead, to ‘continue in what they have learned and have become convinced of’ the things taught by inspired Scripture (2 Timothy 3:14, NIV).” (Childers and Barnett) When we speak the truth, we are addressing the false ideas behind deconstruction, not trying to destroy the person themselves.
It is tricky to speak the truth in love, but the Bible gives guidance on what this should look like. 2 Timothy 2:24-26 talks about the proper attitude that a Christian should have when confronting false teaching:
“The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, skillful in teaching, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to the knowledge of the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, having been held captive by him to do his will.”
When having these types of conversations, we can take principles from 2 Timothy such as not being argumentative, but being kind, patient, and gentle. We aren’t trying to win a debate, we aren’t justified in being rude because we think we are right, and we must show patience and gentleness—especially if we are unfairly treated in return. These qualities aren’t encouraged in our culture today, but must be prominent in our lives if we claim to be Christians.
5. Be a Friend
Leaving a faith you grew up with can be frightening and alienating. I have read many accounts of those who have deconstructed, and many who go through the process feel lonely, anxious, and nervous. If we are able to, we should be a friend to someone who finds themselves in this situation. Let them see Christ in you.
In order to do this, we need to be loving people in our church; in fact, everyone! Childers and Barnett quote Francis Schaeffer in the book The Deconstruction of Christianity: “Francis Schaeffer said, ‘evangelicals have made a horrible mistake by often equating the fact that man is lost and under God’s judgment with the idea that man is nothing—a zero.’ He continued, ‘There is something great about man.” In the Christian worldview, a person is not a zero. Men and women are infinitely valuable because they bear the image of their Maker. Therefore, we can confidently look every deconstruction in the eye and tell them they have intrinsic worth. This truth should inform our relationships. We ought to treat those deconstructing their faith with love and respect.” (The Deconstruction of Christianity)
The person deconstructing is made in God’s image, loved and valued by our Creator. Although they may have a radical and drastically different worldview from us, we must treat them with love and respect as a fellow image-bearer.
6. PRAY
Last but not least, we must be in heavy prayer for those who are deconstructing. At the end of the day, we can’t intellectually change someone’s mind or argue a person into repentance; we can’t ‘fix’ people on our own. What we can do is pray and leave the burden in God’s sovereign hands. Hebrews 4:16 says, “Therefore let’s approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace for help at the time of our need.” We can pray with confidence, knowing God is on the throne, listening, and providing the mercy and grace for our need.
What would you add to this list? What areas might you need to grow in?
