Rules and Grace: What I’ve Learned About Holiness

I will never forget a time in college when someone bitterly accused me of being legalistic and a hypocrite.

The situation not only caused me to pause, but reflect on the accusation for several weeks. I talked with mentors. Was I a hypocrite? Was I imposing legalistic standards on others? I tried to prayerfully consider if this was true of me.

Legalism and hypocrite are two dirty words that are easy to throw at people who have convictions we don’t like. Unfortunately, it is even easier to have those words become true descriptions of our lives. Any serious Christian has probably consider this question at some point: How do I pursue holiness without becoming legalistic? This is admittedly difficult for me. As someone who’s been told by different people that I’m “too black and white”, I already know that I like to have clear lines and boundaries drawn. Don’t watch movies with a certain rating? Got it. Skirts to the knee? Done. But as a growing Christian who genuinely desires to live in God’s freedom and glorify God, I also appreciate the Christian freedom that God gives us.

Yet, I often wonder if these things are compatible. It seems like when I hold to certain convictions, even in my personal life, it can offend others who are quick to assume that I am ‘judging’ them. But I also don’t want to embrace the barely-there standards of holiness from lukewarm believers—while also taking into account each Christian’s freedom in Christ. Whew! How do we resolve this?

Here are four passages to consider in the topic of holiness and legalism:

1. Have A Proper Understanding of God’s Grace

“What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?” Romans 6:1-2

Western Christianity has grown so morally lax that it is now normal to have a night of sinful behavior, pray for forgiveness the next morning, and then repeat the next day. The truth of God’s guaranteed forgiveness does not make it okay to live in sin.

Is this your lifestyle? If so, you do not have a proper understanding of God’s grace. In Romans 5, the author reminds us that grace abounds where sin is. Yet grace can not be exploited. Grace instead motivates us to obey God (Titus 2). The Christian who is truly repentant and broken from sin will won’t see God’s grace as a “get out of jail free” card. No, we must cling to the grace that we don’t deserve, and it will motivate us to say no to sin and to live in obedience to God.

The more I’ve grown in my faith, the less I’ve cared about man-made rules and the more I’ve cared about living in a way that reflects God’s grace. Please understand that I do think it’s appropriate to follow rules when you are under authority—for example, if you attend a school with a conduct standard. But when it comes to your personal life, it’s easy to live by legalism and self-imposed rules, but there are no rewards. When God’s grace teaches us how to live a life of obedience, we will see fruit because we are not trying to earn God’s grace! While I’ve grown away from legalistic standards, my personal convictions in many areas have actually grown stronger. This time, it’s from a desire to please and glorify God, not to earn favor.

2. Pursue Holiness for the Right Reasons

“As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy.’” 1 Peter 1: 14-16

Holy means “set apart” from sin, and “set apart” for God. Believers practicing obedience to God will separate from their former sinful life; the motive for pursuing holiness is God’s own holiness. Certainly, this is a high standard and often difficult standard of living, but it is what the Christian is called towards.

Philippians 2:15-16 says, “…prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights to the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain or toil in vain.” In a corrupt society, believers have an incredible responsibility. Our standard is blamelessness and innocence, to be above reproach. In other words, no unbeliever should look at a Christian’s life and see him or her indulging in sin or see no difference after one is saved. This is no easy task in a “crooked and perverse generation”, which accurately described the early church and just as accurately describes our present culture.

Holiness is a high standard, and it is a difficult standard, but it’s God’s standard. We pursue holiness in all areas of our life because of God’s own holiness. When I am tempted to indulge in sin or change my standard of living, am I forgetting God’s own character?

To a crooked and perverse generation, holiness will indeed appear odd. Even to some Christians, holy living will be considered extreme. And understand that I am not speaking about holiness movements here. These movements teach “holiness” to earn God’s grace as part of the salvation process. This is legalism. A Christian is saved by grace alone, and since God has asked you to live a holy lifestyle, you must obey him. When we do this, we are pleasing God and being lights to the world.

3. Be Willing To Set Aside Preferences For Someone Else’s Sanctification

“Take care that this liberty of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. For if someone sees you, who have knowledge, dining an idol’s temple, will not his conscience, if he is weak, be strengthened to eat things sacrificed to idols? For through your knowledge he who is weak is ruined, the brother for whose sake Christ died. And so, by sinning against the brethren and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food causes my brother to stumble, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause my brother to stumble.” 1 Corinthians 8:9-13

In 1 Corinthians 8, Paul addresses a unique situation: Should believers eat meat sacrificed to idols, when some considered it a sin? This was a conscience issue, Paul explained, and the believers were to be considerate of those who were ‘weaker’, or those who had a strong conscience on the matter. If the weak brother considered eating meat sacrificed to idols a sin, then saw another church member doing it, he might be tempted to relax his conscience. Paul’s stance against this is so strong that he would “never eat meat again” if it will “not cause my brother to stumble”.

There are many areas of Christian liberty. For example, some are bothered by dancing, others struggle with the idea of consuming alcohol. The Bible doesn’t forbid these things, but since some forms of dancing can lead to sin and consuming alcohol can lead to drunkenness, Christians may develop strong opinions or convictions. Others might be saved from sinful lifestyles that contained these elements, and so they have a strong opinion against it. This is where the Christian without an issue with these things should be overly considerate to the Christian with the weaker conscience.

I think it’s important to note that this isn’t an area of preference. Perhaps you enjoy a glass of wine while dining out, but it is noticed by a new believer who was saved out of a party lifestyle.  It’s appropriate and loving for you to abstain in order to protect the conscience of the other believer. The principle here is doing whatever is best for the growth of our brothers and sisters—even if that means laying aside our preference. Let’s be as extreme as Paul was about our willingness to “never eat meat” because we love each other.

4. Realize that Every Believer Will Answer to God

“But you, why do you judge your brother? Or you again, why do you regard your brother with contempt? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God…so then each one of us will give an account of himself to God.” Romans 14:10, 12

We live in a western Christian culture where the accusation of being “judgmental” is worse than whatever sin is being ‘judged’. The Bible itself warns us against judging other believers. Yet, Scripture also commands us to call out sin in each other’s life. How is the believer to find a balance between two extremes of being judgmental or turning a blind eye to sin?

This passage in Romans speaks to this concept. The context is of believers with different convictions regarding unclean foods, which some Christians associated with sin.  The author reminds the believers that no one should take the place of God in passing judgment. We all answer to God for our actions. This doesn’t give us a free pass to live a lifestyle we choose; it actually should be sobering to us. And when another Christian does something that we think is wrong, we need to realize that God is their judge, not us. Sometimes we may share our thoughts or convictions, but they will ultimately answer to God.

Yet, the text does allow for different levels of convictions. Our goal as we navigate this “Christian freedom” is not to be a stumbling block (Romans 14:13) to others by our freedom. The passage goes on to say that if we are a stumbling block to the believers around us, then we are not loving but rather tearing them down. For those of us who have found freedom in Christ, we must be sensitive to those who are still learning about it. And when we see sin in other’s life and lovingly point it out, we must also remember that we aren’t the final judge. We must address what we see, but ultimately the sin is between the individual and God. This frees us from having to pass condemnation and allows us to fully love our brothers and sisters in Christ.    

The Bible has many other passages that encourage believers to pursue holiness. These passages have been meaningful to me as I seek wisdom. From these four passages, we learn much about how Christians pursue holiness. We don’t pass judgment because we understand that each believer will answer to God. And in matters of varying convictions, we seek to be sensitive to those with weaknesses. When we interact with our brothers and sisters in with this loving mindset, we help one another pursue holiness. When our focus is on obedience as a response to God’s grace, we also avoid legalism.

This isn’t always easy, but it is possible! At the beginning of this article, I mentioned how crushing it was to be called judgmental. This has, in fact, happened several times and unfortunately, in some cases, they were right. My intentions may have been good, but my words were misplaced. Thankfully, there is grace for me as I make mistakes and pursue holiness for God’s glory! I am also thankful for brothers and sisters in Christ who graciously help me along this journey and motivate me through their own pursuit of holiness. Will you join me?